Of course you all know G, my BFF since I was 10- LONG ago!! We somehow have allowed 8 years to pass without seeing one another yet we speak ALL the time. Hours a month. Anyway very last minute he decided to come to London this past weekend and this is when we learned: EVERYTHING IS THE SAME. I shall explain….

Friday night we go to Cipriani with a big group. I see a gorgeous man sitting with a woman (that can only be his sister). This man gets up to go to the bathroom so G follows because he can see I am clearly interested. Needless to say later on the guy gets my number from G and proceeds to text me. This is Friday night.

Saturday morning (man still txt) G and I went to Harry Morgans to have lunch with Bro followed by a trip to see my grandmother where poor G had to listen to my grandmother ask why he and I never dated. Although I’ve known G so long he doesn’t even see the gender between us anymore! Even saying “if i were a man I’d …” Throughout day Cipriani man mesgs me and all of a sudden I receive a mesg where he tells me how complicated his life is “right now”. Of course this means he’s married-”separated with two kids @ 41″… It gets better.

That night we go to Tramp- are old stomping ground. 10 years and NOTHING has changed. The same faces from a decade ago going to the same place with the same situations. SAD!! At least we hadn’t been in the past ten years. What’s your excuse?

So guess who we see at Tramp? Cip man. He comes over and talks to G and When all of a sudden some 12 year old girl pushes me and says, “hey that’s my best friend’s boyfriend”
!!!!!! His response, “she knows!”. Get the F*** out of here! NO SHE doesn’t know. Thank you for telling her. A 41 year old scum bag whose not even divorced is dating someone new while picking up another. Hahahah. NOTHINGS CHANGED. Sounds like a boy I once knew i, I think his name started with a T?!

Cip man proceeds to mesg me apologizing. Saying he had no ill intention. Just wanted to be friends. Man that really made me laugh. Yeah friends!!!!

G and I spent the entire night (more me than him as G is typically level headed) freaking out about how there has to be more to life than this same routine of shit. Clubs, bars, girls, drama etc etc etc ??? There has to be?!

There is so much more to be said about this weekend. Let’s sum it up- some ego driven Turkish man mesg me to tell me I was in the newspaper as a friend of mine’s girlfriend which he knew was going to be written about, G told me I was to hard on a certain man, some turkish girl that I quite liked told G I “oozed sex” whatever that means and I met a super tall man moving to the Congo.

Wow that part alone is exhausting!!

By now you all must know I am spending most of my time in Istanbul for production of a line I am the Director for. I am the everything for the brand-not just director. It has been such a learning experience as I haven’t worked with swimwear to this capacity before and I am loving it! Tired but loving it!

Soooo last week in Istanbul was Fashion Week and the Biannele. I went to a few events with a friend an all of a sudden the next day each newspaper has a different story about our life together. Considering “our” life consisted of those events I can’t imagine how they came up with such stories. I’m supposedly living with the guy and have been for 6mnths!!
Amazing! Really amazing!!

I love Turkey. So obsessed with the scandals. It’s like a constant Saudi soap opera!!!

The shit men say & the women that put up with it!

That’s the name of the book I will soon be writing. A book based on all the stupidity I’ve heard over the past few years and am still hearing and will forever inevitably hear! Clearly things have progressed in a positive notion since last weeks blog.

We (women) learn from a very early age that all men have an ulterior motive-SEX. At least at first and then after they have had that, MORE SEX. That’s really all they care about. That never changes, it doesn’t ease up with age. They tell you exactly what u want to hear ( “my grandmother wants to meet you”) to give them their 15-30mns of pleasure. At least initially they make you think that they are there to please you-little do you know how untrue that is! I feel like the more we allow this the worse we are making it for the generations to come… Jesus I sound old and bitter…

I’m pretty sure men only being able to show emotions during sex is the case with all men but some are better at acting. How can people wonder why I prefer to be single with that enticing platter of a man- seriously? Does any of this sound appealing? The good thing is that it won’t last long. And ladies you don’t have to accept this. The right man will love you and cherish you. All of you! He won’t make you feel bad about yourself or that you are there just for him.

It’s sad. I want to take care of someone and spoil them. But I just won’t put myself near toxicity. I mean that takes time to see but one month is long enough.

I feel bad for whatever has happened to him to make him like this. No matter what I’ve been through and even though I may sound bitter I truly am not. I am still a romantic waiting for my destiny.

I’m happy to be alone if thats what has been chosen for me So much easier. Must be because I’m so difficult.
Hahaha!

A woman will tell you she wants to know the truth and the reality is that one way or another the truth always comes out. BUUUTT there are times where maybe you either need to follow through with lie, or lie. I’ll explain.

I’ve been spending time with a guy. A guy I have a heavy history with although I should know better because history is almost guaranteed to repeat itself. We’ve spent the past month in communication and it’s been wonderful. Although the person I’ve been on the phone with doesn’t seem to be who is delivered in person. I want my “Whatsap” boyfriend back! I wish that he could have kept up the lie until I had fallen in love, otherwise what’s the point!!!???

On top of that he kept on saying (over what’s app) how great we would be, how we were attempting for this to turn into something serious (that being a proper relationship) yet when the guy is in front of me all I hear is negativity. He said to me “I don’t know how long
this will last, 6mnths, 10, one year” hahahah! I mean buddy no need to say a date (LIE if thats how you feel) I get it-we will end. Then when I address that comment he says “why cant you enjoy the now” um hello!? I would if you could just shut up about us ending tomorrow. Seriously!

I asked him if he wants to be alone. He said “yes at times” although the way he talks makes that very evident. Men, this is where you should maybe slightly alter the truth- sometimes it’s easier- you could say. He continued to say, “aren’t you like that though.” I laughed and said how anyone that knows me is well aware how guarded I keep myself but most see that all I really want is that “someone”. And this is coming from the girl that could survive and has survived everything ALONE!

What do I do with that info? I mean your telling me you want to be alone and that you know this is going to end, well then, can’t it? NOW? I don’t feel like he likes me so I’m thinking even being around that kind of a situation is toxic. And we have learned that Alegra doesn’t do toxic!

Thank you and goodnight!

I’m going to tell you a perspective I now have that has changed who I am entirely- or at least has made me grow up.

I have understood (finally) that people don’t change. You have to accept 95% of who someone is or choose to let go of them- I think (for the moment) this is specific to relationships. Now (unlike before) when I meet a man if there are characteristics that I don’t like about him, I don’t wait to see if he will be different because I know he won’t be, I immediately remove myself from the situation. Maybe I draw conclusions to quickly but that’s the risk I suppose. This is something I never ever did before In my life. I was always stupidly hopeful. Back in June (with the help of my aunt’s insight) something woke me up. I don’t have to settle, there IS someone better suited for me out there. And if there isn’t, I am happy to be alone.

What I mean: let’s say I meet a guy and we hit it off. Sparks are flying, passion is all over the place.. (What is this passion based on anyway? Nothing real as you two don’t really know each other). Then you two spend more and more time together. But the more time you spend together the more you see that your lifestyles aren’t compatible. He spends every weekend hunting or going on safaris- this is not the life you want, therefore- thank you but no thank you. Ones lifestyle is apart of who they are, accept it or leave it. Is this too harsh?? That’s what I don’t know yet. Yes, probably, but what else is there to do? I suppose if I am ok spending every weekend alone then it’s not a problem. But is he ok with that & am I ok with him being ok? Hmmm. What about the little things? Like let’s say he doesn’t communicate well. Like not calling everyday- this won’t change- will I accept this. NO. I want to be with someone that wants to hear from me everyday. That should be normal. If you don’t crave this then clearly you are not for me. We are not compatible.

Maybe this is far to black & white but I really can’t see it any other way. Two people should grow together yes but the older we get the more our lifestyles and identities have become more “set”. I don’t think it should be a- come into my life and tag along thing-but it should be two people’s lives merging. But then again, what is in someones life? Other than children what really is set? I know I’m contradicting myself.

I like my mini social life. I like going to dinners, hanging with good friends whether it is at a party or on a boat or in a remote city eating pasta. That I don’t want to change for safaris or hunting trips. One safari, one hunting trip!

Bottom line- ladies don’t get angry or upset about your mans identity, because at the end of the day, that’s all it is. Communicate what you don’t like and accept that he wont change and shouldn’t have to. You have the choice to decide if YOU want that identity in your life!!!! Only YOU.

Like I always say- you can have it all or you can have nothing!